Processing delays

This timing mismatch can lead to miscommunication, premature conclusions, or pressure to reply before the person is ready. Over time, it can erode trust, even when both people are doing their best.

Definition: Processing delays refer to a slower pace in interpreting and responding to information—especially verbal or emotional input. It’s not about intelligence or willingness. It’s about how quickly (or slowly) the brain can take in, sort, and respond to what it’s receiving.

Processing delays often occur in people with ADHD and dyslexia, but they can show up in anyone with executive function challenges or sensory overload.

How It Shows Up

  • Long pauses in conversation

  • Needing to revisit a discussion later, once clarity arrives

  • Missing parts of a sentence or only responding to the first thing said

  • Delayed emotional processing (“I just now realized why I felt off”)

  • Seeming confused, distant, or distracted—when in fact, the person is still thinking

  • Needing written or repeated information to fully absorb it

Relationship Impact

When someone doesn’t respond “on time,” their partner may feel ignored, dismissed, or unimportant. But often, the person is still sorting through what was said—or how they feel about it.

This timing mismatch can lead to miscommunication, premature conclusions, or pressure to reply before the person is ready. Over time, it can erode trust, even when both people are doing their best.

What Helps

  • Slow the pace: Leave more room between thoughts or questions

  • Offer to circle back: Say, “Take your time” or “Let’s revisit this later”

  • Use writing: Some people process better in writing than live conversation

  • Validate the delay: Processing time is not avoidance. It’s care.

  • Create safe silence: Pause without pressure. Let thoughts land.

  • Celebrate the delayed response: Sometimes, the wisest answer comes last.