For people with ADHD, dyslexia, or other forms of neurodivergence, cognitive load builds quickly. Everyday tasks can require more conscious effort. The brain isn’t “lazy”—it’s working overtime just to stay oriented. Add emotional stress or environmental noise, and it can become completely overwhelming.

How It Shows Up

• Struggling to start or finish tasks—even ones you care about

• Feeling mentally “full” and unable to take in one more thing

• Forgetting simple steps or losing track of what you were doing

• Difficulty with transitions, decision-making, or processing emotions

• Snapping or shutting down over “small” things (it’s not small—it’s the last thing)

• Constant fatigue, even after rest

• Needing to retreat, nap, or numb out just to reset

Relationship Impact

High cognitive load can make someone appear distant, disorganized, or disinterested in connection—when in fact, they may be maxed out just trying to function. A partner might feel neglected, confused, or burdened by having to “carry everything,” while the person with high load feels like they’re barely keeping it together.

This imbalance can create resentment on both sides—especially if the cognitive load isn’t visible, named, or redistributed. What one person sees as simple (“just text me back”) might feel impossible to the other in that moment.

What Helps

• Offload the brain: Use planners, checklists, visual aids, or shared systems to reduce the need for mental tracking.

• Name the load: Saying “I’m at capacity right now” can prevent conflict and signal a need for space or support.

• Prioritize together: If everything feels urgent, clarify what actually needs attention first. One thing at a time.

• Create low-demand zones: Quiet time, dim lighting, no questions—give the nervous system a break.

• Don’t interpret withdrawal as rejection: Often, it’s about bandwidth—not emotion. Offer connection when things ease.

• Balance the roles: If one person is always holding more (emotionally, mentally, or logistically), have honest conversations about sustainability and fairness.

A Gentle Reminder

Cognitive load isn’t always visible—but it’s real. When someone is overwhelmed, it doesn’t mean they’re failing. It means they’re human. And that the most loving thing we can do, sometimes, is lighten the load—together.